It’s a golden hour on the top of the mountain in Llangattock, Wales towards the end of the trip we took with Greg. I’m sitting with a notepad overlooking the green valley with nothing but fresh air, warm sunlight and an occasional bleat of the many sheeps around. The hum of the nearby town reminds me of the insistent noise a computer fan makes in a room. Struggling to embrace uncertainty once again in my life I knew I wanted to write about it and the trip provided an interesting background tying in with what I wrote about in “Freedom From Information Act.”
It’s a trip, man!
Is not knowing what will happen more threatening than not knowing where to go? What do do? Which path to choose from the limitless ocean of possibilities?
It was going to take around 4 hours journey from London with three destinations within Brecon Beacons National Park. We agreed to leave behind our phones, watches, sat nav and go with the flow. We have printed some rough maps for orientation, however.
We ended up freely navigating through all our destinations, getting everywhere right in time, not knowing what it may be. Sleeping on a side of a mountain under bare sky, swimming under a waterfall. If it sounds ordinary that’s because it is and the technology has not creeped in to take our attention from enjoying fully the whole escapade. It was interesting to see the automatic mechanism trigger as I reached out for the phone to check for messages at random times.
The above is a great example of introducing little uncertainty by unhooking ourselves from the digital frame. Minor detours, which are exactly what brings us back to ourselves, but uncertainty I’m struggling with is of life-magnitude and will require much larger plunge than switching off mobile for a day. On the trip we knew where we were going, not how and when we’ll get there.
Similarly, the type of uncertainty I’m facing is caused by me breaking off from the situation that does not fulfill me spiritually and doesn’t help me grow in a meaningful way. Namely, I’ve been choosing to stay in a job which initially I saw as a stepping stone towards achieving long term transition into new field of craft, but gradually I succumbed to it’s financial security and grew wary of a change. It’s is only now, long after I learned all that I thought I needed to know to move on, I’m at the point where discomfort of feeling stuck is greater than fear of leaving the security behind, and that despite not having a plan of how am I going to make the transition into making a living with a sense of fulfilment.
Like in a double slit experiment demonstrating the probabilistic nature of quantum mechanics by focusing our mind on (observing) a certain way of arriving we are collapsing the field of possibilities into one, cutting ourselves off, or effectively closing our eyes to alternative possibilities of moving forward.
For this reason I find concentrating on the Why will lead us to a reliable Where that is likely to persist, while it’s easier to look for another path to attain a goal, it may be more difficult to find a new goal altogether. Moreover, analysing our Why may lead us to discover that many of the things that we want to be doing are already available to us.
If I analyse backwards and start with Where which says “I desire financial security.” we may end up doing something that we would never choose if we already had it. On the contrary, if we look at our Whys and discover that we want financial security to be able to have plenty of time to enjoy freely, travel, meet new people, engage in charitable sharing we may find that those are already available by adjusting our Where such it aligns in harmony with our Why. Of course, our Whys are never material, so if an answer to “Why do I desire financial security?” is “to own £100,000 worth sports car.” we need to continue asking why and we will discover the real underlying desire which may be a revealing insight into what really drives us. Know thyself!
I get an instant spirit reinforcement every time I listen to the talk of Alan Watts, where he compels us to first imagine our lives as a dream upon which we have total control, a game in which we are able to experience anything we desire instantly. Such a dream would become boring after a while, so we would start introducing variables of unknowns that would sustain our excitement. Ultimately we would reach a point where all the variables would be deliberately outside of our control which would bring us to the level of ultimate excitement, which is what our lives actually are! Isn’t this idea liberating and filling you with courage?
In wanting for anything new to manifest in our life there’s no way of avoiding uncertainty for all that is certain we already know.
One of my favourite past affirmations goes like this “I, Marcin, enter the unknown with excitement and trust.” During the time I was using it I have been more spontaneous and less attached to plans I might have done. I started identifying physical sensation of fear with positive excitement and opportunity for learning and pushing boundaries.
Choosing to enter the unknown consciously invites taking full responsibility for all that happens in our life as we gain clearer perception of participation in the present.
It’s ok not to know where we’re going at times, the key is to enjoy the ride and this is what I am going to focus on while making the transition.